Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
