You work out of a Hotel?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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