State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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