physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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