Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
