she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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