Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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