You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
