Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
