I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
