I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
