It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
