You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Randomize
