I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
