I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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