so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
