Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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