She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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