He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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