forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
