he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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