im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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