turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
