I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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