he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
