i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm too high and old for this...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
