I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
