i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
