Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
