I heard we made out
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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