I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm at about main and main street
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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