cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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