i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
