we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
