I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
