Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
