I'm really into asian looking animals
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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