Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
