You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
