I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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