After last night, I could never be a politician.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
