One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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