I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
