Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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