Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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