You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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