We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
