I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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