you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
