YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I bet he comes in French.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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