You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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