his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
