Pregnant stripper...not hot.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
