My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
