I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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