i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
