hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
